January 07, 2007
Surge Protectors: Conference on Iraq Escalation
Senators McCain and Lieberman, and an apparently scary looking General Keane, explained and defended the new Iraq surge plan (2 years!) at the American Enterprise Institute (AEI), the neoconservative cerberal cortex. This account by ChicagoDyke will amusingly explain it all to you. It is quite unnerving to realize that Monty Python's Inspector Leopard of the Yard's signature line "The same -- only more violent!" is the new thought-through policy of the powers-that-be. In any event, the conferees made it seem like we are just winning and winning. Elsewhere we learn that we are going to get Iraqis to paint schools. And clean streets. Because they are no good at security. No mention on whether they were going to also be paid to shine shoes. More below. (Via Henley, again.)
It seems our naughty generals haven’t been doing anything to promote security in Iraq all these long years. But that’s going to change, darnit! Now, instead of playing cards and square dancing, our troops are going to get serious about bringing peace to Iraq. We’ve also trusted those hapless Iraqis and their silly government too much, Joe and John agree they can’t secure anything by themselves. So we’re going to do it for them. . . . Congress needs to go along with this, and support the President. And give him all the money he wants, for as long as he says. It was, and I quote, a “twist of fate” that brought Democrats to power, according to Joe, but it’s clearly the case that these new folks need to follow whatever plan AEI and the President put forth. Which is going to be a “sustained surge.” Unquote.
The basic message:
We are winning, we will continue to win, and surging will bring us even more winning. Winning is what is happening, and will happen, but we need to win with surging too. We haven’t tried that kind of winning yet.
If we don’t commit to this plan right away, and sustain it for 18 months and more, the result with be “not the end of life as we know it,” but a “totalitarian caliphate.” Our enemies are Evil, part of an Axis of Evil, says Joe, and the American people need to understand that. Joe knows, and John agrees. Because they are “good friends.”
Our other perifdious friends:
NATO and the rest of the world should help more. They’re mean and naughty for making us do this all by ourselves. They need to send troops and money to Iraq and Afghanistan, and do what we’re doing. Because everyone should be in on the winning! Also, if they don’t, well- let’s just say Joe thinks that the Totalitarian Caliphate would be bad for women and gays. “Individual freedom? Forget it!”
So, I guess this means Bush and the no-gays-allowed military are surging for gay rights in Iraq.
It all makes sense now.
Posted by Matthew Hogan at January 7, 2007 12:03 AM
Filed Under: Iraq War
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I can't take any more of their Orwellian crap. Was the moronic inferno this bad when the Vietnam War ended?
This, Kraus, is the Vietnam debate all over again. Nixon/Kissinger's version of the above was ousting Sihanouk and replacing him with Lon Nol in Cambodia, so as to make that country fight on our side and deny the North the use of eastern Cambodia as a supply route and sanctuary.
This led to civil war in that country, which led to the Khmer Rouge winning, and the rest, as they say, is history.
It was all the fault of the defeatist Left, of course. They're trying to set it up so that they can say the same thing again.
Posted by: pantom at January 7, 2007 08:38 PM
Let's also recall that the ouster of Sihanouk was preceded by the merry-go-round of new rulers in Saigon starting with the overthrow of Diem. Granted Diem had all sorts of problems and probably wouldn't have lasted much on his own, it remains that none of the guys who replaced him turned out to be any more stable. I wonder where the talk about replacing the Maliki government in Baghdad is going these days.
This is hilarious writing. And Matthew got all the funniest bits in as I checked out the original. Thank God for satire and irony in cases like this. Where would you be if you couldn't laugh at this lunacy??
This reminds me of Billmon, perhaps the greatest blogger-ironist, at his best. Alas, poor Billmon, he's left us: "Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you..."
Managed to finally see Der Untergang last week, Hitler also had a way of pulling fictional divisions out of his ass. When they for some reason didn't arrive to save the day, he blamed his generals and the German people for their treasonous disloyalty.
This is just awful. The feminist (NOW) endorsement of the war on Afghanistan has destroyed its credibility in my mind (I think that academic feminists still have to acknowledge that, coming after the Lewinsky fiasco). Now one goes to war to defend gay rights. Is the US really reaching for straws as far as justification is concerned? Of course, as said, it is WINNING! whatever that means now. God, I need a good night of deep sleep.
Posted by: sanaa at January 9, 2007 01:56 AM
I read the above and for some reason couldn't get Python's "Spam" skit out of my head:
"Well we've got surge, eggs, surge, bacon, surge and surge.."
"Or surge, surge, more troops, surge and surge.. "
"But I don't want surge.. "
"well then order the ethnic cleansing, surge, surge and civil war.. there's not much surge in that".
What a mess.
Posted by: Iwasawa at January 11, 2007 12:00 PM
ah, motherfucker...I'm getting worked up about the saber-rattling against Iran, the stationing of Patriot missiles in Iraq (why?...), the invasion of the Iranian consulate, the carrier groups...somebody calm me. Give me a shot.
"Citizens of Iraq's Kurdistan express their dissatisfaction to such operations which violate the region internal affairs and create tension between Iraq and neighboring countries, therefore Iraqi Kurds demand the immediate release of the Iranian officials," the statement concluded.
Great. As per usual, they manage to exceed even my expectations of their blundering, even when I take into account their ability to exceed those expectations. The one thing I'd have thought they'd have been able to do was to keep the Kurds on board.
Posted by: Tom Scudder at January 11, 2007 03:52 PM
Didn't we nearly go to war with Iran over violation of our diplomatic personnel? Man, all you kids are too young to remember this stuff.....
Posted by: matthew hogan at January 11, 2007 06:58 PM
Ah, well, at least you are experiencing the worst of times. After this Administration, even mediocrity will seem brilliant by comparison.
Posted by: The Lounsbury at January 12, 2007 05:24 AM