January 21, 2006
"Functional Arab Syndrome" Sufferers, Take Heart!
Having severe retrosternal burning and water brash? Perhaps epigastric or high epigastric pain not related to meals? Maybe even abdominal distension after meals and gases? And (gulp). . . Borborygmi (you don't want to know)? Well, dear reader, these and other symptoms could mean you are suffering from. . . .F.A.S.:
Functional Arab Syndrome!
Dr. Kapoor, our esteemed Indian expert on Arab health from the Bombay Hospital Journal, has been doggedly studying this tragic condition, along with his reports on the Arab phallus, for some time. (More of Dr. Karpoor's boborygmi, after the break)
(Didn't Daniel Pipes identify this too somewhere?)
The full version of the text allows us to see it all -- in Dr. Karpoor's own scholarly capital letters:
ALL THE ABOVE SYMPTOMS ARE NARRATED BY THE PATIENTS, USING THEIR HANDS AT THE SAME TIME AND ELICITING ASSOCIATED "TENDERNESS". THEY MAKE VIOLENT FACIAL GESTURES (see fig. alongside), WHILE COMPLAINING OF PAIN.
The violent facial gesture in the photo looks to me like the Functional Arab is engaging in a biodynamic process called "smiling". But only your Bombay doctor knows for sure.
Posted by Matthew Hogan at January 21, 2006 07:46 AM
Filed Under: Society & Culture
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How did you come across this guy? He is utterly bizarre.
Posted by: eerie at January 21, 2006 12:20 PM
I'll tell you in private. If I'm functional.
Posted by: matthew hogan at January 21, 2006 12:50 PM
The Piles and Perineum section is hilarious.
Posted by: eerie at January 21, 2006 01:00 PM
"I must hurry to add that an average 'perineum conscious' mind does not include testicles (Kaulas)."
By all means, please hurry!
Posted by: matthew hogan at January 21, 2006 01:21 PM
Delightfully bizarre. And don't forget to share this with me. The man has issues, to say the least.
I'm sure Khalij inflicted issues, but nevertheless....
Posted by: The Lounsbury at January 21, 2006 07:40 PM
Sitting in Riyadh at the moment and checking internet connections and security of hysterically (diplo complications make postings sensitive), I am suffering from Khaliji inflicted issues as I type.
Posted by: Meph at January 22, 2006 04:48 PM
Aqoul.com is now the third highest Google hit for boborygmi.
We shoud all be very proud.
Posted by: secretdubai at January 23, 2006 06:27 AM
Ah, the honour.
Posted by: The Lounsbury at January 23, 2006 10:25 PM