Michael, in his never ending quest to emphasize what a complete and utter fool he is, writes about his visit to Cairo (the only city I can say that upon leaving I thanked God I was leaving, filthy atrocious mazbella that the place is).

First, let me agree with Totten on one point:

Cruising from the center to the outskirts was depressing. The city is a true sprawling towering mess, largely bereft of beauty.

This is very true.

It isn’t the ugliest or the poorest place I’ve ever seen, but it comes perilously close to the most boring. (Libya wins that dubious distinction.) Pictures just can’t capture the dreariness of the neighborhoods. There is precious little economic activity, and I saw nowhere at all that looked like an interesting or a pleasant place to hang out. From all outward appearances, Cairo is overwhelmingly a cultural void packed with people who spend all their energy struggling just getting by. I tried to imagine what it must be like to live in most of the neighborhoods, and thundering bore was what I came up with.

I would like to agree with this, but sadly, that would be dishonest.

Cairo is hardly a cultural void. Of course it is not prepackaged with debt fueled Potemkin village Disney-like development facades like Beirut, such that our fine idiot and facile cretin, Totten never has to get his precious little self dirty.

Even in the rather nastier neighborhoods one can find a lot of street culture. Now, I confess I literally loathe and despise Egyptian pop culture. In fact, I hate Egypt generally (except for the lovely southerners, and above all the Nubians, who I genuinely liked).

Regardless, fair mindedness requires me to point out what facile tripe Totten has written (never mind ‘boring’ is among the least of the worries in the Egyptian slums. Boring is a bourgeois luxury, dear Totten-Cretin). Of course, as I actually have wandered around in such neighborhoods (I liked slumming with my guards from time to time. Especially an interesting red-headed Egyptian fellow named Mahmoud Mahmoud Mahmoud. Yes, he was Mahmoud Cubed. Well, liked is a strong word. I thought I might find a way to like Egypt, plus I was paranoid that if I did not play along Mahmoud Cubed might turn on me. Didn’t work, the liking Egypt part. Mahmoud Cubed did stop using Khaouaga on me, however. It did generate a picture of me dancing the stick dance with some boisterous fat headed idiot Egyptians in Imbaba environs. Said picture of course is kept under lock and key) I can attest ‘cultural void’ is not the word. I normally did this with my lunatic Maroni amigo.

Hellish slum packed with typically Egyptian Egyptians and their idiotic sense of humour, their annoying habits, etc. etc., but that’s Egypt. Too many fucking Egyptians as a general rule. But not boring.

The quality of the apartment buildings was inversely proportional to their distance from downtown. The farther Nabil drove from the center, the worse everything looked. Soon the tenements were nothing more than red brick warehouses for humans. My God, I thought, where are the windows on these things?

Yes, poverty.

So unchic, poverty.

Not like Beirut.

Well there are fine Poverty Porn pictures for Totten’s gullible readers.

Skipping ahead to this choice piece of idiocy:

I will give Mubarak credit for one thing. He doesn’t plaster his picture up everywhere, at least not in Cairo. He’s an authoritarian ruler, but he’s not as horrifically bad as Moammar Ghaddafi, Bashar Assad, or Saddam Hussein. I think I only saw two of his portraits the entire time I was in Egypt.

Well, this has to be one of the most cretinous comments Totten has come up with, pulled out his ass as he clumsily bumbled around for a compliment for the Fat Shrimp Eating Incompetent Bumbler.

Doesn’t paste his portraits everywhere? Hmm, in my time in Cairo (albeit several years ago), Mubarek was hardly shy about plastering himself everywhere. But I only lived there, so perhaps I did not get the in depth view of portrait comparison.

Regardless, the idea that he doesn’t plaster himself everywhere is ludicrous.

Now, as compared to the Assads for picture plastering, I grant the comparison is favourable, even on Sadaam.

Gaddafi (or Qaddafi etc., not Ghadafi you illiterate cretin), can’t say effectively on the picture front.

As a matter of “awfulness”, well no Mubarek isn’t Sadaam. He’s somewhat more talented politically and he’s got massive US subsidies to keep his little regime floating along, allowing his little Neo Mamlouk coterie to profit via rents off of non-Egyptians. Better move than Sadaam.

Less awful than Assad? Eh. Stupid comparison. Bashar is hardly all that awful. His dad was fairly competent in the Awful department, but Bashar? Hafez was one mean bastard, but the Optometrist? Totten should get his nose out of the shit that the Beiruti bougi hypocrites are feeding him about the “Big Bad Syrians, ooh ooh.”

Muammar. Hmmm. That’s a close call. Muammar at least historically was fairly ... how to put it, unhierarchical. There is something to be said for not creating a Neo Mamlouk system. Nowadays, very hard call.

I guess I have to confess I have a hard time holding good old Muammar’s psychotic state against him as he has such panache, and that counts for a lot. Not the idiotic blithering on like Mubarek, Muammar takes his regime to real heights of lunacy. Besides, if you watch Muammar’s TV, you get some truly surreal things (besides the video montages clearly done by someone who’s had way too much Kif soup), like Muammar chairing some committee (live on TV) on hospital spending and ranting (well posturing, at least he speaks proper Arabic) on about some fiscal items, then one (brave) admin getting up and pointing out to the Chief Looney the proper entries, and the Chief Looney calming down and accepting the correction. That’s TV!

The world needs at least one regime like this. Sure, it sucks for some Libyans, but what the fuck, there are only 5 of them.

The remainder of Totten’s idiotic commentary, bad travel writing and bonding with an old man who likes beer (oh that’s deep Mikey) is not interesting enough to abuse.