Anyway, being a journalist, she gets to fly all over the place and stay in nice hotels, where she keeps bumping into the same badly-disguised, extremely hot CIA agent. Serious, handsome computer geek type, I liked him initially. Alas, he was compelled by his nationality to append "baby" to every sentence he uttered, which turned him into a handsome, intense, fucking retard. Somehow they both end up at the playboy's dive resort in the Honduras, he sticks his hand down her jeans for a bit, then some guy gets eaten by a shark (or murdered by the terrorists, was too busy cursing to pay close attention). The playboy/al-Qaeda operative turns out to be a possessive psychopath with mommy issues, he keeps calling Olivia his saqr and blathers on about training her to come back to him like a good falcon. Eventually she flies back to England, but not before the playboy spends a few seconds sucking on her index finger like a piglet. You know, because he has mommy issues.

Over to London, where she is apprehended at the airport by the Indian model, revealed as an undercover MI6 agent aka "Undercover Bitch" to our jealous, petty, ignorant (but spunky!) troglodyte Olivia. Later that day, she meets a noted Arabist/MI6 agent, the sort of guy you'd see being played by Michael Caine. He thinks she should take the playboy up on his most recent offer (fly to Sudan and do the nasty with him in a Bedouin tent or something) so they can pinpoint al-Qaeda's hideout and uncover their evil plans. The ubiquitous Hot CIA Agent is also there, they trade insults until the agent starts getting weirdly tender for no reason.

Olivia is given a crash course in spying, gets a few powder-puff flash grenades and has daggers and nerve-gas syringes fitted to her bra underwires. Meanwhile, Undercover Bitch stalks around with her silken black hair and Gucci sweater, making Olivia furious. I begin to like her more than the main character. Unfortunately, sultry Indian model is a double agent working for al-Qaeda (for no particular ideological reason) and betrays the entire operation. Olivia is dragged off to some caves by the Red Sea, where none other than Osama bin Laden is hiding out with his bearded Islamofascist buddies. You think I'm joking, don't you?

At this point I was simply trying to make it to the end of this trainwreck, so the details are a bit fuzzy. Through clever use of her circular-saw bra attachment and couple of flash grenades, Olivia manages to swim out of the caves, dragging the semi-conscious playboy behind her. Hot CIA Agent, near-mad with grief over his lost shag opportunity, gallantly lifts her out of the ocean and saves her from the suddenly conscious and stabby playboy, who gets eaten by a shark or something. Agency boy declares his undying love as their helicopter is hit by shoulder-fired missiles. Oh, and then they fly to LA and save the fucking Academy Awards from a terrorist attack. C4 explosives in the Oscar statues, brilliant!

Perhaps it's the genre.